1
00:00:10,788 --> 00:00:13,480
Hello, Doctor, I've been
having trouble with my eyes.
2
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:14,480
Mm-hmm.
3
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,481
Well, looks like you've
been watching too much porn
4
00:00:16,506 --> 00:00:21,480
- on the internet, I'm afraid.
- Are you sure?
5
00:00:21,481 --> 00:00:22,480
Yes.
6
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,480
[techno music]
7
00:00:27,775 --> 00:00:30,905
2x03 - "Dirty Talk"
8
00:00:32,631 --> 00:00:34,630
Frosted Kooky Loops
are a Kooky-licious part
9
00:00:34,631 --> 00:00:36,630
of a complete breakfast.
[laughs]
10
00:00:36,631 --> 00:00:39,630
They've got the taste kids go crazy for.
11
00:00:39,631 --> 00:00:42,631
That's why I've gotta hide 'em.
12
00:00:46,631 --> 00:00:47,630
[gasps]
13
00:00:47,631 --> 00:00:50,630
Oh, no. Here they come.
[laughs]
14
00:00:50,631 --> 00:00:53,630
Ooh. Ooh!
15
00:00:53,631 --> 00:00:55,964
- Got you, Kooky.
- [laughs] You found me.
16
00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:58,630
Now, tell us where you hid
your Frosted Kooky Loops.
17
00:00:58,631 --> 00:01:02,630
[laughs] I'll never tell...
Hey, ow.
18
00:01:02,631 --> 00:01:04,630
[laughs softly]
I'm... I'm... I'm bleeding.
19
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,630
I'll say it again.
20
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:09,630
Tell us where you hid
your Frosted Kooky Loops.
21
00:01:09,631 --> 00:01:13,630
- Mama needs her sugar.
- No, you can't have them.
22
00:01:13,631 --> 00:01:16,630
They're my Frosted Kooky Loops.
[laughs]
23
00:01:16,631 --> 00:01:18,630
Wrong answer, asshole.
24
00:01:18,631 --> 00:01:21,630
- Sidekick!
- [grunts] Jesus Christ.
25
00:01:21,631 --> 00:01:24,630
Just eat the rest of the
complete breakfast, okay?
26
00:01:24,631 --> 00:01:26,630
Why don't you eat it?
27
00:01:26,631 --> 00:01:28,630
[choking]
28
00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:29,630
[spits]
29
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,630
Why are you doing this?
30
00:01:31,631 --> 00:01:35,630
My Frosted Kooky Loops are all I have!
31
00:01:35,631 --> 00:01:38,630
- They're all I have!
- Boo-hoo.
32
00:01:38,631 --> 00:01:40,630
[grunts]
Hey.
33
00:01:40,631 --> 00:01:43,630
I swear, you'll never get your
hands on my Frosted Kooky Loops.
34
00:01:43,631 --> 00:01:44,630
Never! [spits]
35
00:01:44,631 --> 00:01:48,630
Oh, that's funny.
That's exactly what the leprechaun said.
36
00:01:48,631 --> 00:01:50,630
He's dead now, Kooky.
37
00:01:50,631 --> 00:01:51,630
[gun cocks]
Aah.
38
00:01:51,631 --> 00:01:53,630
Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
39
00:01:53,631 --> 00:01:55,630
Where are the Kooky Loops?
40
00:01:55,631 --> 00:01:57,630
[sobbing]
41
00:01:57,631 --> 00:01:59,711
If you kill me, you'll never
find out where they are.
42
00:01:59,736 --> 00:02:01,630
[gun cocks]
[sobs]
43
00:02:01,631 --> 00:02:03,630
You... You can just buy
them at a supermarket.
44
00:02:03,631 --> 00:02:08,630
Any supermarket.
A box of cereal is like, what, $4?
45
00:02:08,631 --> 00:02:13,630
- Please.
- Last chance. Tick-tock, Kooky.
46
00:02:13,631 --> 00:02:14,630
Okay, okay.
47
00:02:14,631 --> 00:02:16,630
They're in the hollow log.
48
00:02:16,631 --> 00:02:19,630
I always hide them in
the [bleep] hollow log!
49
00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:23,130
Thanks, Kooky.
Huh, I guess we don't
50
00:02:23,131 --> 00:02:25,630
- need you any more, do we?
- What? B-B-But...
51
00:02:25,631 --> 00:02:27,630
But I gave you what
you want, I-I...
52
00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:29,630
[gun clicks]
Aaaah!
53
00:02:29,631 --> 00:02:32,630
[laughter]
54
00:02:32,631 --> 00:02:34,631
He's so scared.
55
00:02:35,031 --> 00:02:37,630
Frosted Kooky Loops
are a Kooky-licious part
56
00:02:37,631 --> 00:02:39,316
of a complete breakfast.
57
00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:42,631
They've got the taste
that kids go crazy for.
58
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,630
[phone rings]
59
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:46,831
Hello, TripTank, this is Steve.
60
00:02:46,832 --> 00:02:47,912
[woman on phone] Hey, Steve.
61
00:02:47,937 --> 00:02:49,630
Uh... hello?
62
00:02:49,631 --> 00:02:53,630
I'm a hot, horny, single
lady waiting for you
63
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:54,630
on the other end of the phone.
64
00:02:54,631 --> 00:02:56,630
[woman on phone] What
do you want to do to me?
65
00:02:56,631 --> 00:02:58,031
[cat purring]
Wh-What do you mean?
66
00:02:58,032 --> 00:03:00,031
You can do anything
you want to me, Steve.
67
00:03:00,032 --> 00:03:01,630
What do you wanna do?
Tell me.
68
00:03:01,631 --> 00:03:06,630
Wow, uh, I guess I'd
start by taking you out
69
00:03:06,631 --> 00:03:08,630
- to an elegant dinner.
- Yeah, fine, after that.
70
00:03:08,631 --> 00:03:11,630
We're back at my place.
I'm naked on the bed.
71
00:03:11,631 --> 00:03:13,630
Where in my body do
you want to touch me?
72
00:03:13,631 --> 00:03:16,711
Okay, uh, I guess I'd touch your hair,
but only if you want me to.
73
00:03:16,736 --> 00:03:18,630
RESPECTALLWOMEN.
74
00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:20,111
No! Just say
where you're touching me.
75
00:03:20,136 --> 00:03:21,630
You don't have to do the second part.
76
00:03:21,631 --> 00:03:23,630
Where else are you touching me, Steve?
77
00:03:23,631 --> 00:03:25,630
Okay, okay. [clears throat]
78
00:03:25,631 --> 00:03:27,630
- I... I touch your boobs.
- Yes.
79
00:03:27,631 --> 00:03:29,630
Um, I-I touch your bottom.
80
00:03:29,631 --> 00:03:33,630
- Oh, yeah, do it, Steve.
- But with a gentle and respectful caress.
81
00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:36,630
No, just the action and the body part.
A verb and a noun.
82
00:03:36,631 --> 00:03:38,630
- What?
- Verb my noun, Steve.
83
00:03:38,631 --> 00:03:40,630
Verb my noun!
84
00:03:40,631 --> 00:03:42,630
- Uh, I kiss your nipple.
- Yes!
85
00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:45,630
- Lick your stomach.
- Oh, verb my noun!
86
00:03:45,631 --> 00:03:47,630
- Sex your vagina.
- Yes, Steve, yeah!
87
00:03:47,631 --> 00:03:49,630
I'm sexing your vagina.
88
00:03:49,631 --> 00:03:50,871
Oh, I'm touching myself, Steve.
89
00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,630
I want you to touch yourself.
90
00:03:52,631 --> 00:03:54,387
- Uh...
- Do it.
91
00:03:54,631 --> 00:03:55,131
Okay.
92
00:03:55,631 --> 00:03:56,191
[zipper pulls]
93
00:03:56,631 --> 00:03:58,631
[techno music]
94
00:04:02,351 --> 00:04:04,350
[glass shatters]
95
00:04:04,351 --> 00:04:07,350
[people screaming]
[alarm wailing]
96
00:04:07,351 --> 00:04:10,350
It ends here, King Lhoga!
97
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,351
Aah!
98
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:13,350
[roars]
99
00:04:13,351 --> 00:04:14,350
[glass shattering]
100
00:04:14,351 --> 00:04:17,350
King Lhoga's Hyper-Flame is too strong!
101
00:04:17,351 --> 00:04:21,350
There's only one way I can defeat him.
Battleman X!
102
00:04:21,351 --> 00:04:24,350
Red Diamond Scorpion Tail: activate!
103
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:27,350
Now you'll see what true power...
104
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:28,351
- Hey, whoa, whoa.
- What?
105
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:30,350
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
106
00:04:30,351 --> 00:04:31,431
- Is that your dick?
- What?
107
00:04:31,432 --> 00:04:32,832
What the hell else would I be talk...
108
00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:36,350
I'm saying is that, right
there, between your legs.
109
00:04:36,351 --> 00:04:40,350
- Is that your dick?
- No. It's my Red Diamond Scorpion Tail!
110
00:04:40,351 --> 00:04:41,350
Uh, I don't know, man.
111
00:04:41,351 --> 00:04:44,350
- It looks a lot like a dick.
- What?
112
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,831
It's not really cool to whip out
your dick while were fighting,
113
00:04:46,856 --> 00:04:50,350
- or whatever.
- It's not a dick. Watch this.
114
00:04:50,351 --> 00:04:54,350
[grunting]
115
00:04:54,351 --> 00:04:55,511
[explosion]
[people screaming]
116
00:04:55,536 --> 00:04:56,350
- See?
- Oh, okay.
117
00:04:56,351 --> 00:04:59,350
If anything, I'm more
convinced it's a dick now.
118
00:04:59,351 --> 00:05:02,350
No. It's an energy weapon!
119
00:05:02,351 --> 00:05:03,350
[grunting]
120
00:05:03,351 --> 00:05:05,350
Excuse me. [whistles]
121
00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:07,350
Whoa, you are really
consumed with that dick.
122
00:05:07,351 --> 00:05:10,350
Sorry, there's a short
refractory period between blasts.
123
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:11,997
Please don't say refractory.
124
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:15,350
Quit stalling and meet
your fate, King Lhoga!
125
00:05:15,351 --> 00:05:20,350
Red Diamond Scorpion Tail:
enter Mega Mode 9!
126
00:05:20,351 --> 00:05:25,037
Wow, that is the most
dick-like thing I've ever seen,
127
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:29,350
and I've fought Dickulon.
Look, I think I'm just gonna go, okay?
128
00:05:29,351 --> 00:05:32,350
The city is safe once again.
129
00:05:32,351 --> 00:05:35,350
King Lhoga has been
defeated by Battleman X.
130
00:05:35,351 --> 00:05:37,350
Okay, all right, I'm sorry, excuse me.
131
00:05:37,351 --> 00:05:40,350
For the record, uh, I wasn't defeated.
132
00:05:40,351 --> 00:05:43,350
I'm leaving because it got weird.
133
00:05:43,351 --> 00:05:46,350
[eerie music]
134
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,350
[gunshot]
135
00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:54,350
[hard rock music]
136
00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:57,010
[man] Eighth grade home room says "hi ."
137
00:05:57,351 --> 00:05:58,350
[crows cawing]
138
00:05:58,351 --> 00:06:00,350
[growling and evil laughter]
139
00:06:00,351 --> 00:06:01,351
Aah!
140
00:06:02,351 --> 00:06:03,350
[screams]
141
00:06:03,351 --> 00:06:07,350
No! Please, no!
Oh, my God! Aah!
142
00:06:07,351 --> 00:06:10,350
What are you?!
What are you?
143
00:06:10,351 --> 00:06:14,350
- I am oblivion!
- Get the [bleep] away from me!
144
00:06:14,351 --> 00:06:15,350
[screams]
145
00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:21,350
Greg left this world
peacefully in his sleep.
146
00:06:21,351 --> 00:06:24,763
Oh, man. What did I do?
And at work, no less.
147
00:06:24,823 --> 00:06:27,350
Hey, Steve, you seen
a pussy around here?
148
00:06:27,351 --> 00:06:29,350
Jeez, no.
Why would you ask that?
149
00:06:29,351 --> 00:06:32,350
- Dang, man, what got stuck up your butt?
- What? Were you listening?
150
00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:33,350
I don't know what you're talking about!
151
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,350
I'm just looking for
Ashley's dumb cat, Coconut.
152
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,350
Why are you acting like such a wanker?
153
00:06:37,351 --> 00:06:40,350
I didn't do that!
I'll deny it until I die.
154
00:06:40,351 --> 00:06:42,350
You know what?
You're too tense, man.
155
00:06:42,351 --> 00:06:43,471
You need to take a load off.
156
00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:45,350
Shut up, dude. No, I didn't.
157
00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:47,431
Well, I don't know why
you're being such a dick, man.
158
00:06:47,456 --> 00:06:49,350
But I gotta go find this pussy.
159
00:06:49,351 --> 00:06:51,350
Oh, God, I'm a terrible person.
160
00:06:51,351 --> 00:06:54,350
Here, Coconut.
Come little 'nut.
161
00:06:54,351 --> 00:06:56,681
[Roy] I'm gonna give you a
spanking if you don't come.
162
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:59,322
[techno music]
163
00:07:03,111 --> 00:07:05,910
? Three aliens came from the sky ?
164
00:07:05,911 --> 00:07:07,231
? The galactic counsel sent them ?
165
00:07:07,256 --> 00:07:08,910
? And here's the reason why ?
166
00:07:08,911 --> 00:07:12,911
? Their mission is to study
Earth's most average guy ?
167
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:15,351
? To see if humans
are worth saving ?
168
00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:17,910
? Or if everyone has to die ?
169
00:07:17,911 --> 00:07:19,911
Wait, what?
170
00:07:21,081 --> 00:07:23,080
[crying]
171
00:07:23,081 --> 00:07:25,080
Everything okay, buddy?
172
00:07:25,081 --> 00:07:29,080
Last year for my birthday,
I was still with Linda.
173
00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:33,080
We ate banana splits
and made love until dawn.
174
00:07:33,081 --> 00:07:37,080
Today, nobody even
remembered it was my birthday.
175
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:40,081
- Uh... we remembered.
- You did?
176
00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:42,080
Of course we did.
177
00:07:42,081 --> 00:07:44,080
- We even got you a present.
- We did?
178
00:07:44,081 --> 00:07:49,080
Uh-huh. We got you...
this thing.
179
00:07:49,081 --> 00:07:51,080
Guys, it's okay if
you forgot my birthday,
180
00:07:51,081 --> 00:07:53,080
but there's no need
to be dicks about it.
181
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,401
It'll let you see into the future.
182
00:07:54,426 --> 00:07:56,080
Oh, oh, my God!
What's happening?
183
00:07:56,081 --> 00:07:58,080
What's happening here?
Nice.
184
00:07:58,081 --> 00:08:00,561
Now just tell me what you want
to see, and I'll punch it in.
185
00:08:00,562 --> 00:08:03,101
That's easy,
I wanna know if I ever get
186
00:08:03,102 --> 00:08:06,080
- back together with Linda.
- All righty, 2045...
187
00:08:06,081 --> 00:08:10,163
Maybe there'll be something
to look forward to.
188
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,880
[screams]
189
00:08:12,081 --> 00:08:14,080
Oh, no! Oh, no!
190
00:08:14,081 --> 00:08:16,080
- Here you go.
- Linda. [laughs softly]
191
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:18,080
- Stay strong.
- What's up, babe?
192
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,080
Oh, great. She ends up with that guy?
193
00:08:20,081 --> 00:08:22,080
Okay, well, maybe it's not that serious.
194
00:08:22,081 --> 00:08:25,081
- [gasps] It's our son.
- God damn it!
195
00:08:27,081 --> 00:08:29,080
[gong rings out]
196
00:08:29,081 --> 00:08:33,688
You know perfectly well
the penalty for feeding these worms.
197
00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:36,361
- No, no, no, please.
- Nothing is above my law, you see?
198
00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:39,080
Not even Mommy and Daddy.
199
00:08:39,081 --> 00:08:41,080
Kill them!
[heavy gunfire]
200
00:08:41,081 --> 00:08:44,080
Nothing will stop the march of progress!
201
00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:47,080
Whoa!
[gasps] Oh, my God.
202
00:08:47,081 --> 00:08:48,080
I have to stop them.
203
00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:50,080
[laughter]
204
00:08:50,081 --> 00:08:51,321
I can't wait to get you home...
205
00:08:51,346 --> 00:08:55,080
Hey! You're the bad man
who touched my private places.
206
00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:56,241
- What?
- Babe, I swear to God
207
00:08:56,266 --> 00:08:58,080
I have no idea who this girl is.
208
00:08:58,081 --> 00:09:01,080
- Yes you do.
- Who are you?! Who are you?!
209
00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:04,080
Oh, shoot, I forgot the next line.
Sorry, Uncle Jeff.
210
00:09:04,081 --> 00:09:05,080
Uncle Jeff?
211
00:09:05,081 --> 00:09:06,851
- No!
- I knew it.
212
00:09:06,886 --> 00:09:10,080
Linda. Yeah, I'm just... [gasps]
just her acting coach.
213
00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:12,080
She just got the lead
in the school play...
214
00:09:12,081 --> 00:09:13,080
- Mm, mm-hmm.
- And I'm helping her
215
00:09:13,081 --> 00:09:14,080
get into the character.
216
00:09:14,081 --> 00:09:16,080
She's playing a...
a molested child, so...
217
00:09:16,081 --> 00:09:19,080
- This has got to be the most pathetic thing...
- You don't understand.
218
00:09:19,081 --> 00:09:22,080
You and Chet cannot
be together, all right?
219
00:09:22,081 --> 00:09:23,321
It is not good for the future...
220
00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:27,080
- Ugh, not this again.
- Jesus. It's been eight months.
221
00:09:27,081 --> 00:09:29,641
- Get over her, bro.
- Come on, Chet.
222
00:09:29,781 --> 00:09:33,080
[bleep] loser!
[sighs]
223
00:09:33,081 --> 00:09:36,081
- Can we still get ice cream?
- No.
224
00:09:37,081 --> 00:09:39,080
Okay, time for the long game.
225
00:09:39,081 --> 00:09:42,817
I'm gonna subscribe him
to this bicycle magazine.
226
00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:45,080
Then switch his seat with
one that's been proven
227
00:09:45,081 --> 00:09:47,800
to lower sperm count.
228
00:09:48,081 --> 00:09:50,081
- Within a year, I can...
- There's no time for that!
229
00:09:50,106 --> 00:09:53,556
The seed of the monster
is in his balls right now.
230
00:09:54,081 --> 00:09:56,080
Rawr. [laughs]
Rawr.
231
00:09:56,081 --> 00:09:58,080
[gasps]
232
00:09:58,081 --> 00:09:59,080
[trash rattling]
233
00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:01,080
- Whoa, what was that?
- What?
234
00:10:01,081 --> 00:10:03,080
I think it was just a cat, babe.
235
00:10:03,081 --> 00:10:05,081
[muffled protests]
236
00:10:08,081 --> 00:10:12,080
- Ugh... huh?
- Come on, come on, finish.
237
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:15,081
Look, I don't know who you
are, but no one's made me blow
238
00:10:15,116 --> 00:10:17,586
with a hand job since the sixth grade.
[laughs] So...
239
00:10:18,081 --> 00:10:20,080
Well, you've never
gotten a hand job from me.
240
00:10:20,081 --> 00:10:23,080
I've been practicing
multiple times a day
241
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,080
for more than 15 years.
[dramatic music]
242
00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:28,080
[moaning]
243
00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:41,080
Ungh.
[sighs]
244
00:10:41,081 --> 00:10:42,081
Okay.
245
00:10:44,081 --> 00:10:47,080
Worst birthday ever.
246
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:50,080
[techno music]
247
00:10:53,081 --> 00:10:55,825
[phone rings]
Hello, TripTank.
248
00:10:55,902 --> 00:10:58,080
Hey, Steve. This is your mechanic.
I'm calling to give
249
00:10:58,081 --> 00:11:00,080
you a breakdown of what
we did to your car today.
250
00:11:00,081 --> 00:11:01,601
- Oh, okay.
- So, I got under the hood,
251
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:04,080
looked everything over.
I lubed up your pistons.
252
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:08,080
I had to manually work them in
and out to get the smooth pumping.
253
00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:11,080
- In and out, and in and out.
- Uh, oh, no.
254
00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:14,080
I shortened your stroke and then
I noticed you had a bent rod...
255
00:11:14,081 --> 00:11:17,080
- Oh, God.
- ...so I lubed that up too.
256
00:11:17,081 --> 00:11:19,989
- Oh, God.
- Oh, Steve, I want you to lick my headlights.
257
00:11:20,121 --> 00:11:21,080
Yeah, I'm doing it.
258
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,080
Tease my carburetor until
I internally combust.
259
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:27,080
Oh, the horsepower!
The horsepower!
260
00:11:27,081 --> 00:11:28,080
[unzips]
261
00:11:28,081 --> 00:11:31,080
[dark music]
262
00:11:34,081 --> 00:11:37,080
[gun whirring]
263
00:11:37,081 --> 00:11:39,081
[dinosaur wails]
264
00:11:42,081 --> 00:11:44,081
[beeping]
265
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:49,080
[hard rock music]
266
00:11:49,081 --> 00:11:51,081
[man] Yeah, baby. Time machine.
267
00:11:52,081 --> 00:11:54,081
[heroic music]
268
00:11:59,081 --> 00:12:02,080
Things may be bleak, for they are many,
269
00:12:02,081 --> 00:12:07,080
and we are few.
But we are Romans!
270
00:12:07,081 --> 00:12:12,080
So when you are surrounded by
those cursed barbarian hordes,
271
00:12:12,081 --> 00:12:17,080
remember: come back with
your shield or upon it!
272
00:12:17,081 --> 00:12:20,080
- Um, yeah, what if we lose our shields?
- What?
273
00:12:20,081 --> 00:12:23,080
If we lose our shields,
can we still come home?
274
00:12:23,081 --> 00:12:27,080
- Yeah, can we?
- You are not going to lose your shields.
275
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:29,080
- Yeah, but what if we do?
- You won't.
276
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,080
Oh, I know a guy who
lost his shield once.
277
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,825
Who? Who do you know
who lost his shield?!
278
00:12:33,881 --> 00:12:36,080
- Jack.
- Jack lost his shield?
279
00:12:36,081 --> 00:12:38,080
Enough!
No one will lose their shields!
280
00:12:38,081 --> 00:12:39,081
[heroic music]
281
00:12:40,081 --> 00:12:41,080
What about our swords?
282
00:12:41,081 --> 00:12:44,080
If we lose our swords, will
there be extras at the battle?
283
00:12:44,081 --> 00:12:47,121
Oh, now come on.
You won't lose your sword.
284
00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:50,801
- I lost my sword.
- But how?
285
00:12:51,428 --> 00:12:53,080
Enough joking around.
286
00:12:53,081 --> 00:12:56,080
- Where is it?
- Well, if I knew that, it wouldn't be lost.
287
00:12:56,081 --> 00:12:59,080
- You can have mine.
- Then what would you use?
288
00:12:59,081 --> 00:13:03,458
- Oh, yeah...
- [sighs] You will fight with your hands,
289
00:13:03,526 --> 00:13:06,080
proud, like a Roman man.
290
00:13:06,081 --> 00:13:11,081
- Aw, there's pebbles in my sandals.
- Well, shake them out!
291
00:13:12,081 --> 00:13:13,441
Can we get lunch before the battle?
292
00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:16,080
- No.
- You know, I really fight better
293
00:13:16,081 --> 00:13:18,080
when there's something in my system.
294
00:13:18,081 --> 00:13:21,080
- Oh, fine, where?
- Indian!
295
00:13:21,081 --> 00:13:22,201
No, no, no. Indian's too far.
296
00:13:22,226 --> 00:13:26,080
- Ooh, how about Chinese?
- I don't like Chinese. Thai?
297
00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:29,080
How can you not like
Chinese but like Thai?
298
00:13:29,081 --> 00:13:31,080
Come on, they're different.
Racist.
299
00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,080
Enough with this nonsense!
300
00:13:33,081 --> 00:13:36,080
- Oh, ooh, how bout Tex-Mex?
- Yeah!
301
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,080
[both] Enchiladas!
302
00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:40,080
[sputtering]
303
00:13:40,081 --> 00:13:41,080
Aah!
304
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:42,080
[grunts]
305
00:13:42,081 --> 00:13:45,080
Don't forget your shield!
306
00:13:45,081 --> 00:13:46,080
I like him.
307
00:13:46,081 --> 00:13:49,080
[techno music]
308
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,740
[techno music]
309
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,739
[laughter]
310
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:03,739
Dude, I got an idea.
311
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:05,740
[laughs]
[snores]
312
00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:12,739
[laughter]
313
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,739
You sure can drink a lot of water, kid.
314
00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:17,739
[laughs] Come on, have another cup.
315
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,739
Actually, I think I
should go to the toilet.
316
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:23,523
Why, of course.
Toilet's right there.
317
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:24,739
[laughs]
318
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,739
[whimpers]
319
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:29,739
Oh, man, this is gonna be a sweet piss.
320
00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:33,739
No!
Matt, you're asleep! This is a dream!
321
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,936
If you piss here, then you'll
piss your pants in reality.
322
00:14:36,971 --> 00:14:39,477
I'm a part of your mind that's
still aware of your surroundings.
323
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,839
I'll protect you.
I can't just wake you up.
324
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,840
The shock would cause an insta-piss.
325
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,680
Aw, damn it, we'll have
to wait it out in here.
326
00:14:45,705 --> 00:14:47,839
[knock on door] I don't
hear any pissing in there.
327
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,120
Shit, we need to get out of here.
328
00:14:49,145 --> 00:14:51,839
Less rumination, more urination.
329
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:56,839
- Come on, jump out this window!
- But we're on the 600th floor.
330
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,839
So what?
This is a [bleep] dream!
331
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,839
Aah!
332
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:01,839
Whoa, hang on.
333
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,557
I'm flying. I'm flying!
334
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,839
Yeah, but it's just
crappy floaty dream flying,
335
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,839
not really flying-flying.
336
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,839
Also we're, like, two
feet off the ground.
337
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:11,840
[screams briefly]
338
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,839
- Okay, so, where are we?
- Oh, balls.
339
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,839
[dramatic music]
340
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,839
Uh... that really makes me want to pee.
341
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,839
Ow! What was that for?
342
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,839
- I'm distracting you.
- Oh! You little bastard.
343
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:27,839
Aah!
344
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:28,839
[splash]
345
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,839
It worked.
I don't have to pee anymore.
346
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,839
Kind of feel bad for kicking
that little dude into the river.
347
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:39,291
Kinda.
I appear to have drifted into space.
348
00:15:39,326 --> 00:15:42,839
Oh, my God!
All my teeth have fallen out!
349
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,839
I must have contracted
some kind of space disease.
350
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,839
Oh, thank goodness!
351
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,839
I am inexplicably now in
a doctor's waiting room.
352
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,523
The doctor will see you now.
353
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,839
- Doctor, be honest, what's wrong with me?
- I'm afraid it's not good.
354
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:03,308
As you can see from this x-ray,
there's a bee lodged in your dick.
355
00:16:03,343 --> 00:16:06,839
Oh, God, that is awful!
How do I get it out?
356
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,839
[rock music playing]
357
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,839
Only one way to get
a bee out of a dick, son...
358
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,650
you gotta piss it out!
359
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:15,839
[laughs]
360
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,880
Of course, yeah.
I'll do a piss right away.
361
00:16:17,905 --> 00:16:18,839
- Stop!
- Aah!
362
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,492
It's a trap.
363
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,839
The goddamn dream is
trying to make you pee!
364
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,839
I got an idea.
365
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:25,840
[toilet flushing]
366
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,040
[fart noise]
Okay, there's no water nearby.
367
00:16:32,065 --> 00:16:33,839
No bees. No space diseases.
368
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,839
No weird bald men, all right.
369
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,839
We camp here until this is over.
370
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,881
Thank you for everything.
I think I'm gonna be okay.
371
00:16:40,906 --> 00:16:41,839
Oh, God help me!
372
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,839
- I'm on fire!
- Shit!
373
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,839
There's no water here.
W-What can I do?
374
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,601
Something!
375
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:52,289
Do something! Do anything!
Aah!
376
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:54,839
Oh...
377
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:55,839
[laughter]
378
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,839
Oh, man.
He just peed himself.
379
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,839
Oh, man.
That's your couch, man.
380
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,839
[laughs]
Oh...
381
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,839
[phone ringing]
382
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:09,839
[whimpering]
383
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,839
- That eases the burn, yeah...
- Here kitty, kitty.
384
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,040
Here, Coconut.
Where are you, you little shit?
385
00:17:15,065 --> 00:17:17,452
Roy, do you have a
minute? Listen, I have
386
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,839
a real problem and it's
kind of embarrassing
387
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,640
and I don't know who
else to talk to about it.
388
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,839
Sure, buddy, man, Roy's
always here for you.
389
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,251
This is a safe place.
If I have one failing in my life,
390
00:17:27,286 --> 00:17:29,839
it's that I care about
my friends too damn much.
391
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,041
Nothing you say can shock me,
and I will never judge you.
392
00:17:32,066 --> 00:17:33,839
So lay it on me, best friend brother.
393
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,839
- What's eating you up?
- Well, every time...
394
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,839
Cork it. It's the cat!
[meow]
395
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,161
God damn you little shit!
Get back here, Roy's gonna gitcha!
396
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:42,839
[cat meows]
397
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,839
[dramatic music]
[marching]
398
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:49,839
On my count, charge!
399
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,200
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
400
00:17:51,225 --> 00:17:52,839
- What?
- I lost my shield.
401
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,839
[sighs]
402
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,840
Has anyone else lost their shield?
403
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,839
- We have an extra!
- I-I don't want it!
404
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,839
What, now you want me to say I want it?
405
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,839
I'm gonna look like an asshole.
[armor rattling]
406
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,839
Never mind!
I'll be right there!
407
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,839
[techno music]
408
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,400
[phone rings]
Hello, TripTank, this is Steve.
409
00:18:19,425 --> 00:18:21,199
Please don't be sexy.
410
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,199
Okay, I'm required by law
to read the following list
411
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,199
of 377 new federal
banking regulations.
412
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,199
That sounds great.
And not at all stimulating.
413
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,520
- Let's do this.
- Here we go. Regulation number one.
414
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,199
Federal law requires that
all banks will now need to
415
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,199
plan their capital requirements...
416
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,934
[crying and unzipping]
for supporting their operations
417
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:39,582
and link this
clearly to their strategy...
418
00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:42,772
[techno music]
419
00:18:44,277 --> 00:18:47,299
Well, I did it.
Finally killed that damn cat.
420
00:18:47,350 --> 00:18:49,276
Ashley wanted you to
catch her cat, not kill it.
421
00:18:49,277 --> 00:18:52,276
Ah, shoot.
Yup, I guess that's why she was crying.
422
00:18:52,417 --> 00:18:55,416
That makes a lot of sense now.
That one's on Roy.
423
00:18:55,417 --> 00:18:56,416
That's Roy's bad.
424
00:18:56,417 --> 00:18:59,189
- Now why are you crying?
- I'm a monster.
425
00:18:59,255 --> 00:19:01,617
Every time the phone rings
it stimulates something in me
426
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:05,416
- and I... I touch myself.
- Yeah, and?
427
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:09,416
Roy, I've been masturbating
all day right here in the lobby.
428
00:19:09,417 --> 00:19:11,416
Oh, that's nothing.
Just do what I do.
429
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:14,416
See, found this mannequin
arm and sewed it right here
430
00:19:14,417 --> 00:19:15,416
into my jumpsuit.
431
00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:16,697
- What?
- Yeah, that way I always
432
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:18,416
got one hand free for
a little monkey slap.
433
00:19:18,417 --> 00:19:20,416
Diddle-diddle-diddle.
434
00:19:20,417 --> 00:19:22,817
Wait, so you've been wearing a
mannequin arm this whole time?
435
00:19:22,842 --> 00:19:25,763
Hell yeah, man. Remember?
[dreamy harp music]
436
00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:28,416
Hey, Steve, have you
seen Ashley's shitty cat?
437
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,416
Hey, best friend brother,
you can tell me anything.
438
00:19:31,417 --> 00:19:36,441
Hey, Coconut, get ready to die.
Ow!
439
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,857
Huh. Yeah, now that I think about it,
440
00:19:37,882 --> 00:19:40,416
you have been wearing that fake
arm since the day I met you.
441
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:43,417
Hell yeah, man, I'm never
not jerking it just a little.
442
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:45,416
Are you asleep?
443
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:48,416
Good. It's time to dream.
444
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:50,417
[man whispering] Dream Wizard.
445
00:19:51,417 --> 00:19:55,569
You finally got a date with
the hottest girl in the school.
446
00:19:55,604 --> 00:19:58,416
[groans] And not only that,
it's time to make love.
447
00:19:58,417 --> 00:20:01,416
And as you lie on the
couch, and she sits upon you
448
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,916
and pulls your pants down right as
449
00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:06,416
you're about to enter her you realize...
450
00:20:06,417 --> 00:20:07,416
you have a baby dick.
451
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:09,416
No, no, I don't mean you
have a baby-sized dick.
452
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,416
I mean you actually have
a dick that is a baby.
453
00:20:12,417 --> 00:20:14,472
[baby crying]
[laughs]
454
00:20:14,637 --> 00:20:16,546
Like a little wovvlin'
tovvlin' crying baby.
455
00:20:16,547 --> 00:20:18,546
And as she tries to pull herself away,
456
00:20:18,547 --> 00:20:22,546
the baby says, "Mama, mama, mama.
457
00:20:22,547 --> 00:20:23,546
No! Daddy!"
458
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,666
Oh, and right after that...
[car honks]
459
00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:28,666
Hey, I'm coming! I'm coming!
[car honks]
460
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:30,666
You cannot rush this kind of stuff.
461
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:34,667
Sweet dreams, loser.
[gasps]
462
00:20:35,497 --> 00:20:39,496
Red Diamond Scorpion Tail: Drill Attack!
463
00:20:39,497 --> 00:20:41,496
Ha-ha!
You touched my dick.
464
00:20:41,497 --> 00:20:45,496
Aw, man, come on.
That is super gross.
465
00:20:45,497 --> 00:20:48,496
Now I'll touch your dick
and then we'll be even.
466
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,496
I hate you.
467
00:20:50,497 --> 00:20:51,496
[phone rings]
468
00:20:51,497 --> 00:20:53,496
You've reached TripTank, talk to me.
469
00:20:53,497 --> 00:20:55,496
Hey, Steve, it's me again.
470
00:20:55,497 --> 00:20:58,497
Oh, hey. Uh, hold on one second.
471
00:20:59,497 --> 00:21:01,577
[unzips]
All right. Talk to me, sexy.
472
00:21:01,602 --> 00:21:03,593
Put it on speaker, man.
473
00:21:03,193 --> 00:21:05,918
sync and correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
474
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:10,018
Uh-oh, Jeff. Without that dictator,
an evil cult comes to power.
475
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:13,018
- Oh, no.
- But the leader's father is very close.
476
00:21:13,019 --> 00:21:16,018
- Oh, thank God.
- And his balls are full to the brim.
477
00:21:16,019 --> 00:21:18,371
You know what, I'm not a god.
It's probably not
478
00:21:18,372 --> 00:21:20,963
a good idea for me to keep
messing with the future.
479
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:25,563
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